Pay Dirt is Slate’s money recommendation column. Have a query? Send it to Athena and Elizabeth here. (It’s nameless!)
Dear Pay Dirt,
Three weeks in the past, my husband and I have been grilling at my sister and brother-in-law’s home. We introduced our canine, Lulu, who stayed by my facet. Their next-door neighbor opened their again door, apparently with out wanting, and let their pit bull out into their yard. It made a beeline for Lulu and mauled her. She almost died, however the emergency vet was capable of save her with a number of blood transfusions and surgical procedures. The invoice was over $4,000. It may very well be extra relying on how her wounds heal. The neighbor did present his cell quantity and rabies shot documentation, however he stopped responding to my texts and calls once I advised him what the vet invoice was and requested him about fee for it. He hasn’t responded in over two weeks, and my final try to contact him was per week in the past. I’m able to take him to small claims court docket.
I advised my sister, and he or she and my BIL have been begging me to drop it. Their neighbor is already obtrusive at them each time he sees them, and so they worry an escalation. They are providing to pay Lulu’s vet payments. The money is just half of it, although—I need to maintain this scumbag liable for what he did. Every time I take a look at my poor lady, I’m offended and horrified on the considered this taking place to a different canine or perhaps a baby. Animal management solely gave a warning as this was the canine’s first documented chew, however having to pay up may very well be a deterrent for his proprietor. My husband initially was with me on going to court docket, however now he’s reconsidering. He thinks that we must always in all probability defer to my sister and BIL’s needs on this since they’re those caught dwelling subsequent to this man indefinitely. What’s the proper factor to do right here?
—Unsure
Dear Unsure,
I’m siding together with your husband for a few causes: Your sister and brother-in-law need to dwell with the neighbor long-term, and you don’t. Your want for revenge doesn’t outweigh their have to dwell peacefully in their very own neighborhood, and it doesn’t sound like they’ve an issue with the neighbor.
Secondly, I’m very sorry about Lulu, however it isn’t an ethical or literal crime to by chance let your canine into your individual yard. It doesn’t make the neighbor a scumbag; it was clearly an accident. If the neighbor’s canine had some historical past of attacking folks or different dogs—and it sounds just like the canine doesn’t—there’s no purpose for the neighbor to have anticipated that his canine would react the best way he did.
I perceive that you simply’re upset and also you need somebody to pay, actually, for what occurred to Lulu, however you’re making all types of assumptions concerning the character and motivations of the proprietor, and I’m unsure they’re warranted. If you do need to drag the man into small claims court docket, depending on the state you live in it may not be sufficient that the occasion occurred and also you may need to make an argument that the proprietor was negligent/and or knew that their canine was more likely to chew.
I might really feel in a different way, if say, you have been in a public park that required leashing and the canine that attacked Lulu was off-leash. That could be negligent on the proprietor’s half. But what occurred right here simply appears like an unlucky accident, and you’ll want to discover one other option to cope with the trauma of seeing Lulu harm.
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Dear Pay Dirt,
I’ve a query about tipping. My mates and I disagree concerning the quantity to tip for companies, like massages, manicures, waxing, and hair companies. I normally tip a set quantity, or vary, for every service no matter worth. For occasion, for a 60-minute therapeutic massage, I sometimes tip $20. I would tip $15-18 if it was a very unhealthy therapeutic massage or $25 if the masseuse did one thing extraordinary, however normally, I tip $20, no matter how a lot the therapeutic massage cost. A 90-minute therapeutic massage is $30, a Brazilian and eyebrow wax is $25, a straight manicure (not gel or pretend nails) is $7, I’ll give $15 if I get a mani/pedi. My mates say I ought to tip based mostly on the value of the service however it’s the similar service being supplied regardless of how a lot the place decides to cost. This is the quantity I really feel is suitable for the companies being supplied, no matter whether or not I’m in New York City or a small city in Vermont.
They suppose that since I moved right here from a rustic that doesn’t put the identical significance on tipping because the U.S. does I simply don’t perceive. It’s true—my home nation doesn’t have a giant tipping tradition however we nonetheless tip for companies, simply normally lower than 20 p.c. My mates suppose that I’ll have hassle reserving appointments as a result of I’ll get a fame for being a nasty tipper. I believe I tip generously! Am I out of line right here? Is it regular to regulate ideas for the way a lot the service prices? I’ll admit that I typically want I might modify ideas at eating places too. I don’t get the purpose of tipping 20 p.c on a sit-down meal once I order a cheeseburger and water versus once I order a steak from the identical restaurant. The steak might cost extra however the work for the kitchen and wait employees is identical. Still, I tip 20 p.c of the cost. Should I be doing the identical for companies?
—What’s With Tipping?
Dear What’s With Tipping,
It’s fairly normal right here to tip a proportion and never an absolute quantity. I notice which may appear a bit unfair for individuals who work in locations the place the companies cost much less, nevertheless it actually is the norm within the U.S.—a lot so that you could be discover that whenever you try digitally, you’re typically requested to select a proportion on the touchscreen. Depending on the cost of companies, the quantities you define is perhaps greater than 20 p.c after which you wouldn’t be thought-about a stingy tipper, however should you fall wanting that utilizing your set quantities, I’m afraid it’s true that you simply’ll be in comparison with individuals who tip 20 p.c. I’d err on the facet of 20 p.c being your minimal.
(It’s additionally not essentially true that the work is identical to your burger and a higher-end dish, and should you’re at a dearer restaurant, there’s in all probability much more funding being made into the extent of service and the expertise and ability of individuals offering it, and proportion based mostly ideas, in concept, replicate that.)
There’s an argument to be made that tipping normally permits employers to underpay their workers however till tipping will get eradicated in every single place, it’s a large portion of how folks maintain themselves in service industries. Don’t shortchange individuals who work in these industries since you suppose the system is irrational. You could also be right, nevertheless it’s not the fault of the people who find themselves doing all your nails. I don’t suppose it’s going to make it tougher so that you can get bookings should you do, however your motivation right here needs to be siding with what’s honest within the present atmosphere.
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Dear Pay Dirt,
My dad and mom labored very laborious their complete lives so I don’t begrudge them touring a lot of their golden years. They are off on one cruise or tour to a different. My spouse, nevertheless, does. We have one daughter and pay by the nostril for personal childcare. Most of my spouse’s wage goes into it. We dwell in a high-cost space and it’s one thing of a battle to get by. Still, I don’t suppose is my dad and mom’ downside. My spouse consistently complains about prices and the way “wasteful” my dad and mom’ touring is. That they may assist pay for a nanny and even give a rattling about their solely granddaughter. I don’t suppose it’s proper or honest to anticipate that out of my dad and mom when her personal barely present any curiosity in our daughter except it’s to attain factors off one another. Their marriage was poisonous and their divorce of 20 years even worse. My dad and mom are all the time bringing again presents for our daughter and take her out after they go to us. I really like my spouse however I’m afraid she goes to convey up the topic to my dad and mom in the future or one other and it’s going to harm their relationship completely. I do know in case of an emergency my dad and mom could be there, however they married young and had youngsters young. They put of their dues. They deserve this. How do I get by to my spouse?
—Travel Trouble
Dear Travel Trouble,
I get your spouse’s frustration with the cost of kid care, and it appears like she feels overextended, however her sense of entitlement about what your dad and mom owe you is misplaced and egocentric. Grandparents will not be de facto babysitters and they don’t owe their grownup youngsters monetary assist. If or after they present it, it needs to be seen as a present, not success of an obligation.
Your dad and mom have each proper to spend their retirement touring—that’s what lots of people save up for years to have the ability to do. As for getting by to her, maybe you may remind your spouse, that ultimately, you each may need grandchildren, and I think about she wouldn’t prefer it very a lot if no matter she saved for retirement had for use to assist her grandchild’s personal childcare as an alternative. If you discover that you simply’re paying by the nostril for baby care, it might be time to discover choices in addition to a nanny, which is the most costly possibility available and a really large luxurious for many households. This is your downside to resolve, not your dad and mom’, and so they don’t have any obligation to financially assist their grandchildren. Inasmuch as they’ve any obligation to their grandchildren, it’s merely to be loving grandparents, which it appears like they’re.
—Elizabeth
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