Southern Charm
Party Fowl
Season 9
Episode 5
Editor’s Rating
Photo: Bravo
Last week’s episode ended on a cliffhanger. Well, it wasn’t a lot a cliff because it was like a curb, and we weren’t actually hanging; we had been simply type of loitering, ready for the reply we knew was coming. That reply is, sure, Austen did kiss Taylor when he was damaged up with Olivia and she or he was damaged up with Shep. Question answered. Can we transfer on now?
Nope, we certain can’t as a result of that’s the solely factor happening within the palm-lined burg of Charleston. Oh nice, an entire ‘nother episode of speaking about this love rhombus (which sounds just like the title of a String Cheese Incident album) with nothing else happening. Great.
As the dialog begins, Austen apologizes to Shep about it, and Shep says the factor that’s all the time true about Austen and his motives, “You didn’t think about anyone else, man.” Yeah, man. For actual. Just whenever you suppose that Shep goes to lose it, he says he doesn’t wish to lose Austen as a good friend, they usually hug it out, quilted vest to quilted vest. This, precisely, is why there are not any actuality exhibits about teams of straight males. Your bestie kissed your ex-girlfriend and lied to you about it for months, and also you’re like, “’S cool, broseph.” Meanwhile, Taylor and Olivia know learn how to make a meal out of this factor. And we don’t imply only a pheasant grill up.
The subsequent day, everyone seems to be speaking concerning the large revelation, aside from Olivia, who’s at lunch with Leva, a coaster the remainder of the crew retains round to place their drinks on. She tells Leva that she has to imagine what Taylor stated: that they didn’t hook up. She doesn’t know that Taylor lied to her not as soon as, not twice, however, okay, it was twice. But I used to be making an attempt to make it dramatic. She says she did it as a result of Austen advised her to stay to the script about how they didn’t make out to spare everybody’s emotions. Austen is such a dumb boy and has no concept how unhealthy this play is till he tells it to Paige, and her eyes bug out like she simply noticed an advert for 50 % off a Sealy Posturepedic.
Austen heads to Taylor’s home with a six-pack and tells her he advised Shep, and her preliminary response is, “Olivia’s reaction to this is not going to be good.” I imply, what’s mistaken with these individuals? Do they want classes in emotional intelligence? Do they should do a easy function play the place somebody performs Taylor, and somebody performs Olivia, and Taylor realizes that she ought to by no means mislead her finest woman good friend, particularly for the sake of a half-disassembled Chuck E. Cheese animatronic bass participant? Austen tells her that he feels liberated now that the key is out, however she says she looks like shit. Of course, she does. Now, she goes to look approach worse than Austen and destroy her friendship with Taylor, and why? To make Austen completely happy. Oh god, why hassle?
On the opposite aspect of city, Madison stops by to see Miss Patricia, the one good factor on this complete infested sewer of a city. As they’re speaking concerning the sitch, Pat brings up that Taylor despatched Whitney a nude image, one thing she clearly was not purported to deliver up on digital camera. Whitney begins dissembling rapidly, saying it was only a flirty good friend factor. Okay, I can purchase that, however why did it say, “Come one, Come all” on the backside of the image? I’ll want a visible on this, not as a result of I wish to see Taylor’s unhealthy tattoos ( there’s no less than one), however as a result of I have to see how “come” is spelled. Pat says, “She’s hawking Jesus and goodness and sending nude pictures and sleeping with everyone else’s boyfriends, I mean … sweet.” And for that one temporary shining second, every thing was proper on this planet.
Then it’s time for Shep’s large pheasant celebration, the place they are going to eat the meat he killed on a hunt. Wait? I assumed that was nonetheless in Oliva’s freezer from the final episode? Why are they on the home of some random good friend of Shep’s, and why do my future throuple mates Rodrigo and Tyler barely get any display time in any respect? The solely individuals I wish to sit subsequent to at this complete meal are Paige and Tyler. I would wish to sit subsequent to Shep, besides he’s sporting a maroon printed blazer that appears prefer it was produced from the vinyl sales space cloth of a Tommy Bahama restaurant in a suburban strip mall.
When Taylor exhibits up, she has a joyful reunion with Little Craig, the canine, and Shep’s eyes get all dewey. He says that he doesn’t miss the connection with Taylor, however he misses the closeness that they had. Well, Shepherd, why don’t you simply do the suitable factor and marry this lady? If that’s what you need and what brings you pleasure, then settle into the inevitable. I’m sorry, however there are not any journeys to Australia and new coochie that can make up for what you are feeling.
Paige has it completely pegged; she says that Shep nonetheless loves Taylor. Thank God Paige, the founding father of the Bedsore Sisters, was round this week as a result of she’s the one one who sees what is going on and makes any sense. And we uncover that her room at Craig’s home has a snack drawer. I wish to pray the homosexual away simply to marry this girl. See above about how she completely clocked how terrible Austen was for telling Taylor to mislead Olivia. She then tells Austen to speak to Olivia and say, “You’re right, I’m wrong, I’m sorry.” When Olivia arrives, Austen doesn’t know what to do, and Paige says, “God, I hate being in charge of you two.” Paige, you might be too good for this. Run again to the Hamptons instantly.
Apparently, Taylor tried to speak to Olivia about this large revelation earlier within the day, however Olivia shot her down. Now Olivia is walking into this celebration, and she or he is the one sitting duck amongst a complete buffet desk of pheasants. That’s the factor; it’s not the crime, it’s the coverup. If that they had simply advised her it was a drunken factor when it occurred, I’m certain she would have gotten her feathers ruffled, however I don’t suppose she would have damaged a wing about it (fowl metaphors). Instead, she says, “It’s not even the kiss; it’s been months, and I’m walking into this like I’m an idiot.” Yes, that is the primary time that Austen has screwed two girls concurrently since his notorious three-way that was caught on tape.
As they attempt to kind this out, Shep interrupts and tells them dinner is served. The solely factor that will have made it extra awkward is that if he banged a gong like they do in Clue or Rocky Horror Picture Show or any of the films I watched obsessively as a teen.
Dinner isn’t so awkward as dialog bubbles across the desk till Austen decides he needs to yell down the desk at Olivia about what’s going on with him and Taylor. They take it outdoors, and Austen follows Paige’s recommendation, however he nonetheless comes off much more dickish than he supposed. Her complete argument boils right down to this quote: “I realized long before that you didn’t give a fuck about me as a girlfriend, and now I know you don’t give a fuck about me as a friend, and I know you don’t give a fuck about me and Taylor’s friendship.”
Austen says, “That’s so untrue.” Is it, although? Is it? We have by no means seen Austen care about something apart from himself and his shitty IPA that they don’t even promote at Piggly Wiggly. Austen flirts with who he needs, kisses who he needs, fucks who he needs, and it doesn’t matter what their relationship to him is. I’ve a sense that Austen would in all probability attempt to bang his stepmother if he had one. Olivia is correct: be carried out with this man, be carried out with this present, be carried out with this trifling, be carried out with these birds which have tiny little bones and shot in them, be carried out with this city, be carried out with the South, be carried out with every thing. If I might inform Olivia one factor, it’s to collect her beautiful two-tone coat ( Paige gagged) and cease hanging out with these undeserving … pheasants.
