Dear Amy: My daughter will probably be getting married in a few weeks (her second marriage).
They have been engaged proper earlier than Covid and put the marriage on maintain.
They’ve now determined to go forward with a small marriage ceremony, however the visitor checklist has exponentially elevated to about 26 folks.
She wished to host it in her home, however her home may be very small and he or she has 4 dogs who don’t behave.
We supplied our (a lot bigger) home and stated that we’d additionally assist with the meals and set-up.
Our daughter agreed on one situation – that she convey her dogs. She needs to decorate them up and have them be part of her marriage ceremony.
Her dogs usually are not nicely behaved. They usually are not constantly housebroken.
They bark quite a bit and bounce on folks.
These dogs have by no means been to our home. We have hardwood flooring and new furnishings.
Who goes to be liable for them?
My daughter stated it’s non-negotiable, so she can have it at her place.
Her home is small. Parking and seating will probably be issues.
Also, my husband has lung illness, and so being in a small home with 26 folks and all of the canine hair and dander is unacceptable to us. My husband stated he received’t be going, however hasn’t instructed her but.
We stated we’d pay for a reception corridor, however that can also be unacceptable to our daughter.
Are we improper in not permitting the dogs at our home for the marriage?
Is she improper for wanting the marriage at her home although it’s small and wouldn’t be good for her father?
I’m heartbroken over this and my daughter and I usually are not talking.
Don’t get me improper – we love dogs. But how would this be gratifying for anybody?
– Dog Tired
Dear Dog Tired: You and your daughter are at an deadlock, however when you can select to calmly settle for her selections – nonetheless harebrained you consider them to be – then it’s going to launch each of you.
Neither one in every of you is “wrong.”
The important distinction between you two is … it’s her marriage ceremony. She has named her dogs as her most beloved attendants. You’ve drawn the road about having the dogs in your own home (sensible transfer), supplied quite a few choices she deems unacceptable, and so her resolution has been made.
If it might endanger your husband’s well being to attend this marriage ceremony, then he ought to keep home. If you possibly can bear spending a few hours in her home beneath these circumstances, it is best to attempt your greatest to attend, and see when you can FaceTime or arrange a Zoom session in your husband to view the ceremony.
This complete factor feels like your nightmare. (It is definitely mine.)
But it’s her marriage ceremony, and when you consciously resolve to cease judging and undermining her selections, it is best to spare your self each the heartbreak and the strain. Everything after that’s as much as her.
(You can electronic mail Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or ship a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You may observe her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
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