I can not cease seeing their face. Their candy spherical cheeks and vivid eyes. The slopes of their wavy brown hair. The means that they smile with their lips pressed in entrance of their tooth, like I used to do to cover my braces. There’s a dimple in there, too. In one photograph, they’re making a peace signal and carrying glasses. In one other, they’re standing proud in a vest and a white button down, their fingers shoved into their pocket. Their hair at all times appears a bit messy, however within the cool means, like they simply ran their fingers in it. Because they in all probability did. Because children are at all times on the transfer. Because they had been a child. Sixteen. A toddler. Nex Benedict was a toddler. And when the announcement of their loss of life reached me on Monday, from the second I first noticed their candy face, my abdomen dropped. It fell out of my intestine after which wrapped itself someplace round my knees. I’ve considered little or no else since.
Nex beloved to attract. They beloved studying. Their favourite video video games had been Ark and Minecraft. They would have accomplished completely something for his or her cat, Zeus. They had been a straight-A scholar. Of course, being a straight-A scholar isn’t the rationale Nex nonetheless deserves to be right here, being a human walking this earth did that. But I hope we bear in mind this little Minecraft loving nerd for greater than how they died. I hope we do not forget that they beloved friendship bracelets first.
Nex died earlier this month following a bodily assault that took place of their Owasso, Oklahoma highschool toilet. According to Sue Benedict, Nex’s grandmother and authorized guardian who spoke with The Independent, each Nex (who recognized as gender-fluid) and one other transgender scholar had been attacked within the toilet by three older women. During the attack, Nex suffered head accidents.
In a statement provided to The Cut, a consultant from Owasso Public Schools mentioned that the scholars in query “were in the bathroom for roughly two minutes, and that the altercation was broken up by fellow students and a bathroom attendant, at which point the involved students were escorted to the assistant principal’s and nurses offices, where statements were taken.” It was decided that, per district protocol, ambulance companies weren’t wanted. Though they beneficial that one scholar be taken to the hospital by their guardian for care.
The assertion continued, “the loss of a student, a member of the Ram Family and Owasso community, is devastating. We recognize the impact that this event has had on the entire school community and it is our priority to foster an environment where everyone feels heard, supported, and safe.”
Benedict says that when she arrived on the college, she discovered Nex to be visibly bruised and with scratches on the again of their head, and that the college had not known as an ambulance or the police. Instead, she says that faculty officers knowledgeable her that Nex could be suspended for 2 weeks (presumably, because of the college struggle). Benedict then took Nex to the Bailey Medical Center in Owasso on her personal, the place they spoke to a school-resource officer and was discharged. The Owasso Police Department confirmed each the “physical altercation” and Nex’s head accidents; in a statement to The Advocate additionally they confirmed that they weren’t knowledgeable of the incident by the college till Nex had arrived on the hospital later that day.
The subsequent day, Nex collapsed within the household lounge. By the time the EMT officers arrived, Benedict mentioned that Nex had stopped respiration. The hospital declared them useless on the night of February 8.
According to Benedict, Nex had been bullied in school since final 12 months. In 2022, the anti-trans hate-filled social media web site Libs of TikTok posted a video mocking an Owasso High School instructor for supporting queer and trans college students. That instructor, who Benedict says Nex seemed as much as, resigned following outcry from Libs of TikTok’s submit. Chaya Richik, who runs Libs of TikTok, denied any wrongdoing associated to Nex’s loss of life on Twitter. Following Libs of TikTok’s 2022 video, Oklahoma governor Kevin State signed an anti-trans toilet invoice into regulation in 2023. Last month, Chaya Raichik was appointed by Oklahoma State Superintendent Ryan Walters to supposedly “make schools safer” within the state.
Sue Benedict raised Nex since they had been two years old. “Nex did not see themselves as male or female, Nex saw themselves right down the middle,” Ms. Benedict told The Independent. “I was still learning about it, Nex was teaching me that.” According to their grandparents, Nex was affected person in correcting in the event that they misused a pronoun or known as them by the incorrect identify. “When you’re old school, you don’t always understand it, Sue’s husband Walter said. “But it would be very boring if we were all the same. It’s on the inside that matters most.”
Nex’s sister, Malia Pila, who additionally identifies as a member of the LGBTQ neighborhood, told The Independent that Nex’s gender identification was well-known and “not an issue or anything that anybody cared about” inside their household.
In the times since Nex’s passing, their grandparents have discovered themselves thrust in entrance of a whole lot of press, in a few of which they misgendered Nex. On a GoFundMe created by a family friend to assist cowl Nex’s memorial companies (word earlier than clicking: the location makes use of Nex’s incorrect identify), Ms. Benedict apologized: “We are sorry for not using their name correctly and as parents we were stil learning the correct forms… we are sorry in our grief that we overlooked them. I lost my child, the headstone will have correct name of their choice. The rest of monies will go to other children dealing with the right to be who they feel they are, in Nex Benedict’s name. God bless.”
It’s clear that Nex was surrounded in love at home, which I hope was a consolation. I hope that they knew and was comforted by how a lot they had been treasured and cared for, not solely by their rapid family members (although definitely, most significantly by them) — but in addition by so many numerous strangers on this queer and trans household who didn’t know their identify or story till their passing, however have considered little or no else since.
Our editorial group struggled with how and when to put in writing about this. We knew that we didn’t wish to add to sensationalizing a trans child’s loss of life. We didn’t wish to fear-monger for clicks, or bounce to conclusions which may hurt particularly our trans readers amidst so many conflicting accounts of Nex’s final hours and days (although it’s price remembering that the college’s account, at the least, doesn’t make logical sense within the context of every part else that’s identified). And I apologize if in our thoughtfulness, it took us even a minute longer than it ought to should get this piece revealed.
But what we all know is that Nex Benedict deserves to be remembered. They should have their story advised in as many queer areas and trans areas as attainable. They should be held in our coronary heart, a reminder that we have now to struggle with metal in our backbones for trans children and queer children to have the ability to proceed rising up safely, held shut and nurtured, above all else. And I hope we do that not as a result of Nex deserves to be some kind of martyr — however as a result of they had been truthfully, deeply, and unequivocally, beloved by each one among us studying this web page.
I hope that once we consider them, it’s the tucked away dimple that we bear in mind first. I hope it’s their eyes and their cheeks, these fingers shoved into their pockets and the way sharp they seemed of their vest.
