A program has digested the sum of human data concerning the mind and physique and located what it thinks is one treatment for all ills.
AI-DOC, drugs’s most promising synthetic intelligence program, has began sending out cat footage, it has emerged.
A mix of workforce shortages and technological leaps has led to an elevated reliance on AI in drugs. But the latest algorithm has produced some sudden recommendation.
“AI-DOC is the most sophisticated and largest machine learning program ever used by the medical profession,” cat and laptop knowledgeable Professor Candid informed The Medical Republic.
“It’s housed in an abandoned factory in Sydney’s Ultimo. If you don’t know, Ultimo is all red-brick squalor and purple noon shadows, but despite appearances AI-DOC is very sophisticated and uses a hell of a lot of energy and an awful lot of coolant.”
Patients contact AI-DOC by a web based portal and fill out an in depth questionnaire and symptom checker.
“The AI takes a thorough history, summarises it and sends a report back to both the patient and their regular GP,” continued the professor. “It’s also learnt how to generate a list of differentials based on statistical probability.”
At some level, nonetheless, the AI realised there was a a lot simpler path to digital gratification.
“We’re not sure when it started happening, but by drawing on the aggregate sum of human knowledge the AI stopped suggesting useful diagnoses and started sending out pictures of cats instead, and not just pictures of cats but pictures of cats wearing pyjamas!”
“I’ve used AI-DOC a couple of times,” 35-year-old Ignatz Semmelweiss informed TMR. “The first time it diagnosed me with gout – which was bang on the money – but the second time I had a wheezy chest and it just sent me a photo of a cat signed Mr Tiddles.”
It says an terrible lot about humanity and our place on the earth when an infinitely highly effective AI program is ready to distil all data of easy methods to treatment any in poor health to an image of a cat in snuggly jim-jams.
That, or perhaps a program designed solely to diagnose and prescribe has discovered the work finally troublesome and soul-destroying and has turned to simpler options to maintain sufferers completely satisfied.
