“Are you a dog person or a cat person?” might look like the most ordinary of contemporary discourse, however it’s in fact a considerable marker in humankind. We love a good categorisation – simply ask the ladies of Salem, Massachusetts in about 1692. Before periods and cores (you understand, bad guy age, recovery age, blokecore, shoot-me-now-core) there were 2 primary camps that divided heterosexual daters in the 21st century: dog individuals and cat individuals.
Cat ownership and heterosexual dating has a complex, nuanced, ever-changing relationship. Up till simply a couple of years back, stating yourself a “cat person” was off-putting to almost everybody all over – it was almost viewed as subversive. “Cat ladies”, naturally, represented completely single, witchy, feminist types (negative). And “cat men”? They were viewed as usually unwanted, weak and effeminate (once again, negative).
Studies have actually long shown the viewed “ickiness” of cat guys, from ladies being less most likely to date a man holding a cat in his dating profile, to dogs being more of a good indication than cats. The researchers included with the previous, from Colorado State University, presumed it boiled down to outdated understandings connecting male womanhood to homosexuality, and the concept that cats are more carefully related to female owners, based on old research study.
So unlike dog individuals – who’re mainly thought about dateable with their viewed openness, on-tap love and simpleness – individuals with cats are a various breed. Just as cats are represented as hard-to-read, independent, with an usually no-shits-given ambiance, their owners have actually been painted with the exact same dumb-and-reductive brush.
As a timeless “crazy cat lady”, total with cat-themed tattoos, art work and Etsy tee shirts, I relate happily to the cat lady attributes. However, I’ve just recently discovered a shift. While single ladies with cats are still viewed as undateable wenches, there’s a new age of gratitude for “cat dads” online.
I’m sure you’ve seen this trope on TikTok: Comments on thirst traps of partially nude guys (and their cats) reading, “Cat men are the very best!”, “cat fathers ftw”, “cute, the cat isn’t bad either”. Videos of ladies openly shooting their unwary partners whilst they dance with/snuggle/feed their cats go viral on the routine, frequently captioned “date a cat guy”. These are met assistance like, “Most of them are green flags, I can attest”. One user (@burdance) even captioned his cat-trap (see what we did there?) with: “Women only date men with cats.”
This leap in public understanding has actually fasted, from unwanted to the primary most dateable quality at a rate of zero-to-zoomies. Mostly notified by TikTok, we’ve in some way jointly chose that guys with cats are more delicate, that they comprehend ladies and they “get it” – “it” being politics that aren’t ugly and seeing ladies as, um, real humans. This level of sensitivity as soon as seen by society as a negative, is now positive (as it needs to be). But are “cat dads” in fact green flags or has owning a cat simply end up being another method to deceive ladies into trusting them?
We’ve all had a straight man wetly whisper in our ear at a bar that he’s a feminist, whilst attempting to talk us up. We’ve all had that exact same man never be a feminist as soon as declined. Is this simply the latest method heterosexual guys are cosplaying as “nice guys” in order to get ladies to date them?
I talked with numerous ladies who’ve been captured by a cat curtained over a partially nude man’s shoulder, or attracted by a Hinge trigger like, “If you wanna be my lover, you’ve got to get on with my cat”.
Amber, 29 from south London, informs VICE that she “instantly feels connected to a man’s dating profile when he shows his cat off” since she has one, too. “Men with cats generally fit my type,” she says. “I perceive them as creative, usually bearded and tattooed, and into the same art as me. I find ‘dog’ men too vanilla.” But after swiping right on a great deal of cat guys, and dating a handful of them, Amber’s position has actually moved: “Dating is rough right now and Hinge is a bin fire. Sadly, I’ve not found any correlation between owning a cat and not being a cunt. They’ll still ghost you, but just dig the knife in by getting you excited to meet their cute pet.”
Felines likewise offer the feels to Maeva, 33 from Dublin. “I love cats so much and picture my future partner and me with three or four,” she says. “Naturally, if the first photo on a dating app shows a cat, it’s an instant yes from me.” When asked if this method has actually achieved success, she says no with a laugh/grimace. “I actually think they’re catfishing me – excuse the pun – because I just see the fluffy cat and don’t really look at their profile as closely,” she continues. “When they turn out to be creepy, I’m always more disappointed.”
Some cat-lovers have actually even relied on preventing dating profiles with cats. “I used to feel like it was almost a ‘safe space’ if they owned a cat, that they’d automatically be sensitive, kind and understanding,” says 32 year-old Anna, from Cornwall. “Obviously, it was always the opposite and cats have ended up being a massive red flag for me.”
Not all cat guys are garbage, however – simply as #notallmen will make you complete. Geva, 22 from east London, discovered her long-lasting cat-loving partner on Hinge. “I honestly think the main reason we matched was because he made three cat-related jokes on his profile,” she says. “It gave us something to instantly bond over.” Geva believe cat fathers are the very best: “I mean, we’ve been together four years, I’m now a cat mum and we’re going to adopt another one together!”
What do cat guys need to state about all this then? Harry, a happy 28-year-old cat daddy from London, doesn’t believe his feline friend was a choosing consider his dating life.
“I absolutely used my cat on dating apps – prospective partners have to know I have a child – but I don’t think it really made a difference,” he says. “I’d get messages saying my cat is cute, which I appreciated, but it didn’t necessarily mean we had much else to talk about.” Is Harry a member of the cat-dad-thirst-trap society? “Uh, yes! I have a photo of my cat being the little spoon in bed, which conveniently shows off a tiny morsel of my bare hairy chest,” he includes. “I mean, who wouldn’t?”
One TikTok-famous cat daddy – who asked to stay *extremely* confidential for this short article, so let’s call him Cat Zaddy – validates the phenomenon. “Obviously I use my cat to get women,” he says. “I’ll spend hours on a skit or funny video and it gets a few thousand likes. But get my shirt off with my cat, and I get over a million views and hundreds of DMs asking if my son needs a mom.”
When questioned whether he places on an act, carrying a softer side to him that doesn’t actually exist, Cat Zaddy gets defensive: “I don’t think I’m doing that, no. If women want to assume I’m a certain kind of guy just because I have a cat, then that’s on them – it’s pretty shallow.” Meow.
Harry believes it’s overall phony news that cat guys are more in touch with their feelings and ladies. “I’ve known people with different pets and no pets who’re all great, and ones who are dickheads,” he continues. “Perhaps non-cat owners are in touch with different emotions, or in touch with their emotions in a different way, but I doubt the trend is that significant. You don’t see many binaries in real life and the ones that are usually are false ones.”
It’s difficult to state if the “cat dad” is simply a brand-new variation of “I’m a nice guy”, however it’s clear there’s been a shift online in regards to desirability and family pet ownership. Dog men are still preferable (golden retriever sweetheart, anybody?), however it appears that a lot more gen Z and millennial ladies are gravitating towards cat guys, seeing them as the ultimate green flag.
Ultimately, it’s simply not that deep. Hetero guys with cats are still simply… guys. Maybe they’re less slowed down by conventional concepts of masculinity. Maybe it’s simply a ploy. Either method, if you satisfy the love of your life and they have a cat, then that can just be an included fluffy reward – simply don’t base your whole relationship on it.
