ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Freshly-minted Test opener Steve Smith has taken a low-key approached to his Test preparations this morning, telling reporters that the welfare of a ‘funky bird’ on the Adelaide Oval weighed extra on his thoughts than doubtlessly dealing with the primary ball of the collection.
The Australian Test Team is enjoying the West Indies in Adelaide this week and with it comes a contemporary batch of birds for Smith to admire, he says.
“My mind was elsewhere this morning,” Smith instructed reporters at this morning’s press convention on the floor.
“I was wondering about my Switch and that whichever person took it from my bag has NOT returned it so far but then I made eye contact with this nice bird that was on the oval and I was wondering where it goes at night to sleep or perhaps just chill out after a long day,”
“He probobaly has a nest somewhere, like, I mean he obviously has a nest somewhere but where? You know? Does he live somewhere nice? Like is he a doctor bird? Or a lawyer bird? Or does he have to live somewhere grim like people who can’t read very good or can’t do simple math in their head, therefore must do things like retread tyres or mix paint at Bunnings? There’s a lot to think about when it comes to birds,”
“I’d never seen such a bird but when he did his honking, the honking was familiar. You know what I mean, you’ve all heard this bird’s honks before. Well, acutally, it’s kind of not really a honk. It’s more like an ‘EEEEEEEEE’ ‘EEEEEEEE’ like two styrofoam boxes scraping together. But with some gusto. You often hear it early in the morning. Such as once I was coming home from David Warner’s place once at 5am after drinking 24 cans of Heaps Normal and eating a tube of Pringles for dinner and it’s all I could hear. That was a good night, great company and good friends. Someone pushed Stuart MacGill in the pool and he nearly drowned. That wasn’t funny, that was scary,”
“You would think everyone from Perth can swim but when you think, you are often wrong. Are there any more questions?”
More to return.
