ITHACA, NY—In a surprising revelation that left your entire ornithological group reeling, Cornell University scientists reportedly found Tuesday that birds had lied about being associated to dinosaurs. “For decades, birds literally looked us in the eye and claimed they descended from theropods—and it was all a stupid lie!” mentioned Professor Tracy Rheiner, who slammed your entire Aves class for feeding scientists “total bullshit” for years that basically rendered ornithologists’ collective work nugatory. “I’ve been publishing papers using what they told me! Does that mean anything to them? This is my career we’re talking about. We look like fucking idiots! What the hell is the public going to say when they find out?” Rheiner went on to state that birds have been most likely mendacity about being associated to Princess Diana, too.
