Birds. They’re majestic, they’re symbolic, they’re totally made up. As anybody within the know is aware of, all birds had been eradicated by the early ’70s and changed with surveillance drones, however are they any good at it?
We took an in depth have a look at each official state “bird” (Bipedal Intelligence Reconnaissance Drone,) and ranked them by their effectivity as a spy for the shadow authorities.
(Note: Some unoriginal states determined sharing the identical state chicken was tremendous, we disagree.)
32. California Gull: Utah
31. Delaware Blue Hen: Delaware
It scores over the California Gull as a result of it exists within the place that’s in its identify. It’s not really a lot of a spy, however then it wasn’t designed for spying. Like the chicken it impersonates, the blue hen is a fighter, basically a military of sleeper brokers prepared and ready to eviscerate the residents of Delaware ought to the necessity come up. While actual blue hens relied on their razor-sharp talons, the drone mannequin is provided with detailed recordsdata on the human anatomy and an expert-level proficiency in Krav Maga.
30. Greater Roadrunner: New Mexico
Don’t let the cartoons idiot you, a coyote is twice as quick as a roadrunner and may eat them simply. In truth, nearly all they’re good for is filling coyote guts with useful robotic elements. They’re an out of date mannequin and can quickly get replaced.
29. Mountain Bluebird: Idaho, Nevada
There’s not a ton of espionage/potato crossover actually, and Nevada has its personal non-bird robotic technique of fixed surveillance.
28. Rhode Island Red: Rhode Island
Another not-quite-spy drone, however definitely no spring hen (get it?) in the case of disenfranchising American chickens. This sport “bird’s” robotic endoskeleton synthesizes cornmeal into a fancy protein that resembles flesh however is definitely designed to cut back testosterone in alpha males when consumed.
27. Hermit Thrush: Vermont
This chunky little drone retains our authorities abreast on Vermont’s manufacturing of craft beer, weed, and syrup permitting for up-to-the-minute inventory worth fixing.
26. American Robin: Connecticut, Michigan, Wisconsin
Harbinger of Spring, or collector of information?! Well, birds are faux, so clearly it’s the second, the information one. Most individuals assume that robins fly south for the winter, however they’re there, up within the timber, watching and ready. The authorities named these drones “robins” after the favored D.C. comics character Robin since their orange bellies resemble his costume. They are environment friendly spies, although the unnatural blue tint to their “eggs” (Encased Growth Globulal,) is sort of a useless giveaway.
25. Baltimore Oriole: Maryland
The Baltimore Oriole is understood for its nice whistling music, however the historical past of that music is darker than you’d ever guess. It was designed by the CIA MK-Ultra program to control brainwaves and preserve the residents of Baltimore docile. That similar music can change frequency, forcing undesirables to drive their automotive into the closest physique of water. If you’ve made enemies within the deep state, beware the oriole.
24. Bananaquit: Virgin Islands
These yellow white and grey robots want congregating in parks and gardens, the kind of locations individuals exchanging secrets and techniques like to fulfill, coincidence?! Well, clearly not. Birds are spies.
23. Purple Finch: New Hampshire
This fairly little imposter’s conical choad-like beak was initially designed to suit completely into ethernet ports permitting for high-speed information uplink. They shall be changed with a extra wi-fi pleasant mannequin by 2030.
22. Black-Capped Chickadee: Massachusetts
You received’t learn this in any historical past e-book, however earlier than 1959 everybody in Massachusetts talked regular. Massachusetts was one of many first states to have its chicken inhabitants totally eradicated and changed with drones. Unfortunately, the coms indicators used to manage the birds nonetheless had some kinks to be labored out. As a consequence, the Black-capped Chickadee emits low-level radiation that impairs the speech heart of each human mind within the ol’ Bay State.
21. Brown Pelican: Louisiana
Of the 7 “species” of “Pelicans” (lies!) solely the brown pelican dives from the sky to catch its prey within the water. That’s the official authorities line anyway. In reality, the brown pelican is among the authorities’s few captured drones hiding amongst so-called birds. Unruly Cajuns are collected within the drone’s giant pouches and dropped at black-site amenities for interrogation and eventual homicide.
20. Brown Thrasher: Georgia
With a brown hugh that blends completely into Georgia shrubbery, the brown thrasher is certainly an environment friendly spy. They’ve been recognized to guard their “nests” (Nanobot Egg Static Trajectory Sites,) very aggressively, pecking people exhausting sufficient to attract blood. In the occasion of an rebellion, nevertheless, the birds are licensed to focus on deadly stress factors.
19. Cactus Wren: Arizona
Even cactus thorns can’t cease this little man from doing their job: spying on drug cartels within the desert and ensuring the meth will get to the appropriate neighborhoods.
18. California Quail: California
For the golden state, the place the liberal elite propaganda machine by no means sleeps, the federal government employs one among its high surveillance drones. The monitoring units embedded of their “droppings” (Droneborn Remote Operating Poop Pin Intelligence Network GPS,) are state-of-the-art, and the trademark topknot of feathers conceals a specialty antenna designed to cease the birds from shedding their sign in even the least handy terrain.
17. Carolina Wren: South Carolina, Maine
The Carolina Wren is delicate to chilly climate, however someday within the mid-1900s, proper across the time the federal government began changing all of the birds with drones, they began rising in popularity within the north. Coincidence?! Well, no. Clearly, they will survive chilly now as a result of they’re robots. People who imagine in world warming assume that’s the rationale, but it surely’s robots.
