A Redditor from Sydney shared the deeply terrifying message they copped from an Airbnb host unto the world and I, for one, was not prepared for its contents. No, it’s not an outrageous housekeeping demand, but instead something far, far worse which involves “very big, fat” snakes at a place near the Blue Mountains.
Redditor u/penoos posted the message on r/australia on Tuesday. It started normally enough — hi, hope you’re getting excited for your visit, just a few tidbits to let you know about.
We’ve all received that message from an Airbnb host, haven’t we? “Hey Isabella, can’t wait to have you! I won’t be home when you arrive, but the key is in the meter box and the cat will greet you :).”
Unfortunately for dear, unassuming Penoos, this was not your regular pre-arrival text.
“If possible can you bring gum boots or high ankle boots with you,” the message read.
Such footwear wasn’t required because the Airbnb was actually this year’s Splendour In The Grass campsite. No, it was because snakes have been infiltrating the accomodation.
“There has been a massive influx of snakes in the area and we are seeing around one or two every day at the moment,” the text continued.
“We have never had this problem before but I think the amount of flooding, rain and subsequently frogs and things for them to feed on has made them come to higher ground and get very big, fat and breed a lot.”
“Big” and “fat” are possibly the worst two adjectives one can use to describe a snake, except for, like, “deadly”. And you know what? If I’m cancelled for being fatphobic towards snakes, so be it. Sue me! Go off like a frog in a sock, and then feed said frog to these plump, meaty snakes which can’t stop fucking and sucking each other’s brains out.
“Hopefully you are not afraid of them. It is rare for them to be close to the house but at the moment they are everywhere,” the host added.
“Please do not bring any pets as I do not think they will be safe with the amount of snakes around.”
“Hopefully you are not afraid of them,” has launched me into orbit. What an absolute sweetie pie of an Airbnb host.
PEDESTRIAN.TV reached out to Penoos to hear more about the snake situation. They did not wish to give their real name, which is fine because I’m so obsessed with the name “Penoos” that I might go and fang it on my baby name list.
They sent through further correspondence from the Airbnb host, which reiterated the fact that pets were a no go. Leave the hamster at home, Penoos!
“No worries. Def do not bring any pets,” the message read.
“We are sighting at least 10 snakes a day and normally we would not see three snakes a year so it is unfathomable at the moment.
“There will be snake kits around the house and farm if needed.”
Look, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I adore this Airbnb host. You just don’t realise how courteous and kind the act of supplying a snake kit is until you’re face to face with a hoard of tubby, toey snakes who can’t stop rooting.
When asked whether their group was having second thoughts about heading to the snake-riddled Airbnb, Penoos gave an answer just as iconic as their name.
“We’ll snake it till we make it,” they said.
“Up for the adventure.”
As you were, Penoos. God speed.
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