Those unfamiliar with owning a cat might think that having one is just that – another living being occupying the same house as you. They might also think the same about dogs, and that you’d be the one implementing house rules for your furry friend, which, my friends, is an absolute lie. You’re never the one to impose rules on a cat, and it is always vice versa; it’s cat house rules, not yours! And if you’re thinking that we’re pulling your leg here, just take a look at the stories of pet cats ruling these Redditors’ households – not only are the submissions in this AskReddit thread worthy of being called comedy gold, but they are also the truth and nothing but.
If you’re still dubious that a cat rules the house if given a chance, here are a couple of real-life examples. Say you’re used to keeping your clothes on that one chair we all have designated for the ‘might use it again’ pile. Now, your cat also thinks that it’s their favorite chair to chill out on. You battle for it for a while – you might even offer another perfectly fine chair for it to lounge on – but then you realize it isn’t you who decides on house rules for cats, but rather the cat who decides house rules for you, and you just give up. And that’s just a very basic example! Cats are much more elaborate with their plans to rule your household, and they always, always win, the little tyrants.
Right-o, ready for one heck of an adventure reading these people’s confessions of cats becoming their overlords? Once you’re through with it, you’ll definitely understand the real meaning behind the ‘my house, my cat, my rules’ saying. And if these fun yet kinda threatening stories from this Reddit thread don’t make you want a cat less than before, you’re definitely good for adopting one!
“Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out.”
BillohRly asked:
“Have you tried letting her out? And then let her in? And then letting her out and then letting her…”
“No placing of hands or feet outside of blankets.”
soitsmydayoff replied:
“To add onto this, no sudden movements underneath the blanket, or else it’s fair game.”
BloodAngel85 replied:
“I have 3 cats and a dog, I don’t even bother closing the door anymore.”
“Usually, by 10 pm I’m in bed, where I watch TV for an hour or so before I sleep. 10 pm is cat cuddle time.
If I am not in my room by 10 pm then everyone gets a lecture from my old tom cat. If I’m not home, my husband will be yelled at.
No one can touch the cat but me (I think his previous owner must have been abusive) and he is obsessed with me. Huge old tom that acts more like a dog than a cat. He has huge PTSD eyes, so he is always looking at you with an expression that says ‘I’ve seen some shit. Now pet me.'”
“I want food right now but I will eat later.”
BloodAngel85 replied:
“For my male cat, it’s ‘I want food now, but I’ll only eat a small amount and come back expecting to be there 5 minutes later.’ Unfortunately, his 2 sisters are pigs when it comes to food, so he just meows at me for more.”
“After sleeping, changing the sleep position will not be tolerated.”
meech7607 replied:
“My cat used to sleep in the valley that’s made by the blanket between your legs. One night I was in that twilight almost asleep phase and he was sleeping down there, and I didn’t realize it. I rolled over and catapulted him off of the bed.”
“If they meow in the middle of the night, I must respond immediately (or else be hit in the face with their sharp claws).”
“They must sit as close to my face as possible, preferably on my face. My inability to breathe is my problem.”
“I must be in every room you are. I will claw at the door and carpet if I am not allowed in.
Do not follow me around. I want my space.”
DOTHETHING_ replied:
“Cat must have the option of being in any room you are in. Will check stuff out then leave immediately. If you close the door then the cycle repeats.”
“When you shut off all the lights to go to bed, that is ancient cat language for war. And therefore I will attack your legs as soon as the lights go off.”
“If you do anything to my poop box, I must immediately rechristen it.”
“Going to the bathroom? Need to drink from the faucet. Walk past the bathroom? Need faucet water. Make eye contact? Need faucet water.”
“Are you beginning to fall asleep? Then I must run wide open from one end of the house to the other at least four times. The galloping sound will help you sleep.”
“I am more important than Game of Thrones. To illustrate this point, I will frequently stand on the coffee table, directly in your line of sight to the television.”
“All showers must be supervised from in between the shower curtains. No exceptions. Sometimes even on top.”
“The spring on the bottom of the door is your new alarm clock.”
“I must have the last corner or your vegemite toast. It is mine. Not yours. I will swipe it from your hand.”
“The water needs to be perfectly full and clean at all times, it can’t even be medium-full.”
“Bed making will always include at least one cat jumping on the bed to ‘help’.
“If you do not maintain visual contact with cheese products at all times you agree to forfeit your right to finish eating said cheese products.”
“Once your alarm goes off, it’s cuddle time. Oh, you want to go back to sleep? Then you’ll have to do so with 11 lbs of Bogart on your chest.”
“The picnic bench in the garden is my territory. If you are eating lunch out there, you must first appease me with tidbits.”
“Any food placed before you belongs to me. What I do with that bite of food is my business. I’ll probably just sniff it for two seconds and leave it there. Your food sucks. It smells great, but it sucks.”
“Any accessible bread products will be destroyed (not eaten, just shredded).”
BrutalHonestyBuffalo replied:
“My cats don’t destroy bread – but for whatever reason, if we leave a bread product unattended – you can be sure there will be one giant bite taken out of it. Plastic/paper and all.”
