EAST EGG, N.Y. — The federal government statement recently that American chickens ought to be immunized versus bird influenza has actually ruffled the plumes of the bird world, with numerous chickens and a few of their feathered buddies promising to withstand.
While some chickens have actually invited the news, a singing minority is vociferously withstanding the required, declaring the order infringes on their flexibility and liberty to variety easily. Others declare these resisters have actually gone “cuckoo … not to disparage a fellow bird,” sang songbird Jenny Wren.
Powerful Sen. Foghorn Leghorn, I-Moon, who has actually aligned himself with nasty withstanding vaccination, clucked: “I say, we will never submit to this, I say, unconstitutional order by, I say, deranged leaders in the capitol, I say again.” Leghorn is understood for peppering his orations with “I say.”
Speaking in favor of vaccinations, activist Desmond “Daffy” Duck kept in mind: “I’m no chicken, but this is a bird flu epidemic. We ducks and other feathered friends like loons and coots are threatened by bird flu as well, not to mention geese.” Among those others, grouse are said to be ruffled. Another duck leader, Donald, decreased to comment.
Meanwhile, the leading nasty specialist in the National Institute of Bird, Fish, Insect and Reptile Safety (NIBFIRS), Dr. Anthony Swan, has actually been scolded and assaulted by Sen. Leghorn’s fans, trumpeting curs at him for promoting chicken vaccination.
One popular challenger, Emmet “Chicken” Little, said: “The sky is falling,” when notified of the vaccination strategies.
“No chicks of mine will ever submit to it,” Chicken Little asserted, describing his 200-plus offspring. “We lay a lot of eggs, not all of which become chickens per se,” including that numerous end up being “breakfast.”
Not all in the bird neighborhood are withstanding, nevertheless. A bird named Tweety (who declined to give her last name) said she doesn’t fear the vaccine, but there are numerous other dangers threatening birds. “I tot I taw a puddy cat just this morning,” she chirped. Pigeons reportedly don’t care, nor do gulls.
Sources also said turkeys are becoming increasingly concerned. One, Thomas “Drumstick” Turkey, said if his fellow turkeys submit to vaccination, there won’t be much to be thankful for come Thanksgiving. “Of course, there never is much for us turkeys to be thankful for on Thanksgiving,” he lamented.
Rhode Island Red, anti-vaxxer and spokeschicken for eastern bird breeds regardless of provenance, like the Baltimore Oriole, vowed to lead a chicken coup against the government if officials persist with bird flu vaccination efforts. “We’ll organize every coop in the country for this coup,” Rhode Island Red declared.
Seasonal bird migration is considered chiefly responsible for the spread of bird flu in the United States. Sen. Leghorn called for erection of a huge net the length of the southern border to thwart further migration. “And I say we’ll get Nicaragua to pay for it,” Leghorn vowed.
Local ornithologists expressed concern that such a net could prevent arrival in the spring of welcome birds, citing the robin red breast, finches, thrushes, gulls, wrens, the scarlet tanager and the scarlet pimpernel. Roman Catholic leaders decried preventing cardinals from their annual visits. Pope Francis, who hails from South America, is said to have added this to his multifarious concerns.
“This chicken vaccination business is like inviting a wolf into the hen house,” said Ronald Raven, a spokesbird for numerous species of migrating birds. In response to a question from CNN asking if he believed he could be infected with bird influenza, quoth Ron Raven, “nevermore.”
Film at 10.
Editor’s note: This unique report will be sent for a Pullet Surprise.
Jim Heffernan is a previous Duluth News Tribune news and viewpoint author and writer. He preserves a blog site at jimheffernan.org and can be reached by email at [email protected].
